Lady rings her local hospital and this conversation follows

'Hello I'd like some information on a patient, Mrs Tiptree.
She was admitted last week with chest pains and I just want to
Know if her condition has deteriorated, stabilised or
Improved?'

'Do you know which ward she is in?'

'Yes, ward P, room 2B'

'I'll just put you through to the nurse station.'

'Hello, ward P, how can I help?'

'I would just like some information on a patient, Mrs Tiptree,
I was wondering if her condition had deteriorated, stabilised
Or improved?'

'I'll just check her notes. I'm pleased to say that Mrs
Tiptree's condition has improved. She has regained her
Appetite, her temperature has steadied and after some routine
Checks tonight, she should be well enough to go home
Tomorrow.'

'Oh that's wonderful news, I'm so happy, thank you ever so much!'

'You seem very relieved, are you a close friend or relative?'

'No, I'm Mrs Tiptree in room 2b. Nobody tells you f*** all in
Here...'