PLAY WIN A COUNCIL HOUSE

Good morning and welcome to a brand new edition of 'ASYLUM'.> Today's program features another chance to take part in our exciting> competition: Hijack an airliner and win a council house! We've> already> given away hundreds of millions of pounds and thousands of dream> homes,> courtesy of our sponsor the British Taxpayer. And don't forget, we're> now the fastest growing game on the planet.> Anyone can play, provided they don't already hold a valid British> passport, and you only need one word of English: 'ASYLUM'!.> Prizes include all-expenses-paid accommodation, cash benefits> starting> at £180 a week and a chance to earn thousands more begging, mugging> and> accosting drivers at traffic lights. This competition is open to> everyone buying a ticket or stowing away on one of our partner> airlines, ferry> companies or Eurostar.> No application ever refused reasonable or unreasonable. All you have> to> do is destroy all your papers and remember the magic password:> 'ASYLUM'.> Only this week 140 members of the Taliban family from Afghanistan> were> flown Goat Class from Kabul to our international gateway at Stansted> where> local law enforcement officers were on hand to fast-track them to> their luxury> £200-a-night rooms in the fabulous four star Hilton Hotel. They join> tens of thousands of other lucky winners already staying in hotels> all over> Britain. Our most popular destinations also include the White Cliffs> of Dover> and the world famous Toddington Services area In Historic> Bedfordshire.> If you still don't understand the rules, don't forget there's no need> to> phone a friend or ask the audience, just apply for legal aid.> Hundreds> of lawyers, social workers and counsellors are waiting to help. It> won't> cost you a penny, so play today; it could change your life forever.> Iraqi terrorists, Afghan dissidents, Albanian gangsters, pro-Pinochet> activists, anti-Pinochet activists, Kosovan drug-smugglers, Tamil> tigers, bogus Bosnians, Rwandan mass murderers, Somali> guerrillas...COME ON> DOWN!> Get along to the airport, get along to the lorry park, get along to> the> ferry terminal. Don't stop in Germany or France . Go straight to> Britain and you are guaranteed to be one of tens of thousands of> lucky winners in> the softest game on earth.> Everyone's a winner, when they play 'ASYLUM'.